aroceu: (family)
black slacks with accentuating offwhite pinstripes ([personal profile] aroceu) wrote2017-02-22 11:37 am

WIP Amnesty: Spiderwardo

The first time Eduardo saves Mark, it's an accident.

It should be assumed, really, that they'll be going to the same functions and meetings, especially when New York City is one of the biggest cities in the world, and it's where Eduardo lives because it's not like he wants to go back to the west coast, or down back home where his father will passively aggressively ignore him like he did during the holidays. Eduardo had expected no less, which is also pretty masochistic of himself in the first place.

Anyway, the function is not awful, to a degree. There's a lot of hand-shaking and fake smiles and champagne flutes, all of which Eduardo has been long-accustomed to (longer than Mark, anyway.) If he and Mark see each other--which they do, they always do--they either pretend like they haven't, for simplicity's sake, or fake civil conversation, if forced or needed. This is usually done when Chris is with Mark and wants Mark to have a good public image. Eduardo goes along with it, because he's a good person.

Tonight Mark had seemed pretty alone, so they pretend not to notice each other as always and afterward Eduardo heads out in a mildly inebriated--and therefore better--mood. It's all good and well when he's walking back towards the subway and suddenly that annoying nagging feeling in his brain goes off.

Which is really not necessary when a giant snakelike-wormlike creature bursts out of the sewer down the street.

Eight months ago, Eduardo would've panicked. But also eight months ago, Eduardo was not bitten by a radioactive spider on his second day back from California, so what he does now is duck into a nearby alley, discard his briefcase and suit, and swing back in the red-and-blue costume he had sewn for himself trial after trial. This is unitard number five and can sometimes chafe like a bitch, but at least the fabric actually keeps up with his reflexes.

Civilians are running out of the way, screaming, which, you know, is the smart thing. Shooting a string of web at a lamppost, Eduardo swings into the street and kicks the snake-worm thing in the face. Or what might be the face, anyway; it's got bluish-grey slimy skin, is the size of a building, and has no eyes or nose, just a giant circular mouth with tiny rows of sharp teeth on the inside.

It tries to bite at him but Eduardo quickly swings away; it gets a mouthful of the lamppost he'd been latched onto instead. Quickly webbing up a nearby parked car, Eduardo swings it into the snake-worm's thing's mouth. It lets out a loud screech that pierces through the night air. Strangely, it's still in its sewer, instead of coming out as a whole like any other damn snake-worm creature. Though Eduardo hasn't battled a lot. Just enough.

"Jesus Christ," Eduardo mutters anyway, covering his ears. So that's two weaknesses: the sewer and its mouth. An idea begins forming in his mind, but the creature is beginning to thrash even worse and that won't do.

Swinging back up onto a building, Eduardo wonders out loud, "Where do you guys come from, anyway?" Sure, there's the standard street thug and the idiots who rob banks who Eduardo has to handle on a weekly basis, but the amount of supernatural creatures in this city seriously disturbs him. Maybe it's the water.

He calls out, "Is it the water?" but, of course, the creature can't respond. It shrieks as Eduardo sends another car flying in its face--then, before Eduardo knows it, its mouth is swinging downward, towards an unsuspecting pedestrian--

With lightning reflexes, Eduardo flings himself down and swoops his arm around the civilian's waist, just barely yanking them out of the way as the monster's mouth comes down onto the sidewalk. Eduardo pushes them into the street and, incredulous, asks, "Are you an idiot? Why aren't you running?"

Except he's staring into Mark Zuckerberg's blinking face, headphones tucked into his ears, wearing a stupid hoodie over the suit he'd been in during the function.

Mark opens his mouth like a fish, and then closes it. "Spiderman," he says, because, okay, Eduardo's been making the news for the past several months, it's no big deal.

He's still wearing the fucking headphones too. Eduardo yanks them out but Mark doesn't even flinch. "How fucking loud are you listening to your music where you couldn't even hear the sound of giant monsters and destruction around you?" Eduardo demands. "Why aren't you taking a taxi like a normal person?" He's the one who lives here and is allowed to be victimized by the unsuspecting streets, not Mark.

"I," Mark begins, but that's when the snake-worm thing crashes into the corner of a building, and Eduardo really, really has better things to do than berate his ex-best friend, anonymously and wearing a ridiculous, too-tight outfit.

"Just go," Eduardo says, and swings back around to fight the monster without checking if Mark has left.

There are enough parked cars on the street, but Eduardo easily yanks the lamppost he'd been sitting on earlier out from the concrete--which he'd never be able to do before, no matter how much he worked out--and swings it right into the beast's body. It howls, the horrible scream terrorizing the night, but Eduardo doesn't care. Clearly this fucker is sensitive, and Eduardo will give it all the pain it can get. Positioning the post like a harpoon, he mutters, "I am really not sober enough for this," and aims towards the monster's mouth, hoping its skin is thick enough.

The lamppost pierces through the air with a sharp nyoom--and sticks right through the monster's open mouth, gum and teeth and all. It screams again, deep and terrifying now, and it's shuddering and probably would cry, if it could. It stills, no longer able to thrash properly, probably in too much pain with the fucking metal pole caught in the middle of its mouth. Eduardo grins in satisfaction, before stringing at the parked cars along the street and firing them into the beast's mouth.

"Sorry in advance!" he shouts to the mostly empty street, as the vehicles begin to pile in the snake-worm's throat. One of these cars is actually a fucking lamborghini, which Eduardo only feels slightly bad about (and guilty schadenfreude) as he throttles it into the beast's stomach. It continues pulsating and screeching, the sounds getting muffled as Eduardo slams car after car into the creature's digestive track; they have to be piling up somewhere.

Then--finally--the truck Eduardo punches between its teeth hits the top and the beast suddenly collapses. It doesn't fall over; rather, all of the vehicles and the lamp post Eduardo had shoved into it come spilling out onto the street, and the creature itself deflates and disappears back into the sewer. Eduardo rushes over and flips the automobiles right-side up as they tumble--and who knows, maybe they'll still be in working condition--while at the same time lugging them out of the way so he can get to the sewer hole. Or, what's left of it, anyway, since the beast had more blasted out of the concrete where a manhole once was, being wider than it.

Jumping down, Eduardo yelps as the darkness of the shaft engulfs him, being much deeper than he'd imagined. If there's an evil villain down here who was in control of the whole monster, they must have really impressive night vision. Eduardo doesn't, but he supposes he'll just kick and punch until they surrender to defeat. Eduardo's good at that.

He reaches the bottom eventually, but it's still pitch-black and sounds empty, even to Eduardo's heightened senses. He sloshes along in the sewer--there has to be something--when there is a tiny squeaking sound. It's faint, and only audible with Eduardo's hyper-hearing, but that's all he needs. Eduardo shoves his hand down into the sewer water and wishes that these superpowers could dilute his sense of smell more than anything else.

His fingers wrap around and his hand brings out a tiny little worm, blue and glowing, not bright enough through the muck of the water but neon enough now that Eduardo's pulled it out.

"Well what do you know," he says to himself. "It was the water."

He shoots a line of web back up the deep passageway, eyes beginning to adjust to the empty and depressing darkness. Still holding the tiny wriggly worm with one hand, he walks his way up the side of the shaft, perpendicular to the floor. "I hope walking for two minutes in that water doesn't give me weird side effects," he says to the worm. "You know, on top of the weird powers I got from a radioactive spider."

When he reaches the top of the passageway, he pulls himself out and back to gravity-appropriate angles, wondering if he should release the worm back into the wild or smush it or keep it as a pet. He expects the street to be deserted--except, of course, Mark is standing right in front of him, a strange expression on his face.

"What are you doing here?" Eduardo demands, putting his hand with the worm in it down so he's not staring at it like a baffled scientist anymore. "I thought I told you to run away!"

Mark hesitates. "I wanted to know if you were okay," he says. His eyes are sweeping Eduardo up and down, and his face twists in confusion at the worm but he doesn't say anything.

"You wanted to make sure I'm okay?" Eduardo practically shouts. "I'm Spiderman, you're the fucking idiot who's going to make Facebook without a CEO if you do stupid shit like this!"

Mark blinks at him. "You--You know who I am?"

Eduardo grits his teeth and swears internally. Mark is pretty recognizable, as a human, but even though Facebook is big, it's not like he's a celebrity.

Eduardo is able to dispel this though, saying quickly, "Yes, even Spiderman goes on the internet," and Mark's mouth twitches like he thinks Eduardo is intentionally trying to make jokes with him.

"I suppose that's reassuring," Mark says lightly, like Spiderman is not yelling at him in the middle of the fucking street at nearly one in the morning. The alcohol's worn off, too, and Eduardo is in fact too sober for this. "Spiderman has a Facebook too then, I'm assuming."

Eduardo wants to throttle Mark. He actually wants to punch Mark, like, legitimately, but that's also probably just the adrenaline and the anger he lets out during his day job talking.

"You should probably get back to your hotel or wherever you're staying so Facebook will still have a CEO in the morning," he tells Mark, instead. "And I need to get going."

He shoots a web up and swings off behind a building, though it's really just the other side of the alley where he'd left his briefcase. As he clutches it to his chest and shoots a web up to roof-hop, he hears, faintly, Mark saying, "Okay," to the empty air--but Eduardo's already making his way to his apartment without turning back.


It makes the news, of course, because Eduardo can’t do anything involving Mark without the whole world knowing. He supposes it’s his fault, anyway, for saving his fucking life—he should’ve left him there to get eaten, except not really.

Eduardo releases the worm out to the wild the next morning, even though he’s pretty sure it’s bound to be squished at least within the next hour. That’ll at least save him the trouble from needing to rescue an empty street from it. He lets it out through his kitchen window as CBS plays on his TV—“… and Spiderman issued the damage of several vehicles, not to mention the street,” the news anchor is saying, with SPIDERMAN: INEFFECTIVE VIGILANTE on the banner at the bottom. Eduardo’s learned to not be bothered by it, since the world does that—it doesn’t appreciate you saving its ass, just complains about its auto insurance. In all fairness, he’s pretty sure the owner of the Lamborghini could afford it.

He makes a mental note to complain to city health, safety, and services about the sewage in lower Brooklyn, anyway. He doesn’t want to deal with a radioactive alligator in the future; petty thieves and weird dudes who like to lurk in alleys are annoying enough.

He eats breakfast while staring at the TV—they’re playing a video clip of last night again, from the security camera of a convenience store that had caught a pretty good angle of his fight. Eduardo sips his coffee and winces as the Spiderman on screen flings cars from every which way into the monster’s mouth again. So maybe he didn’t think things out that well. The reporter and bitchy interviewed civilians keep complaining about city expenses—but then the story switches tact.

“Footage also captures Spiderman saving Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg from last night’s terror,” says the news anchor, “reportedly returning from a late night gala near the area. Can it be said that Spiderman saved Facebook? Something like that can be said, at least.”

Eduardo goes for the remote on his kitchen table and aims it at the TV. He changes the channel.


The function this week is really some extravagant bullshit inter-company event, where Eduardo has a number of clients, mostly new guys looking to get a leg up. Of course,



(5) instances where eduardo saves mark - they all make the news (4 more, plus tabloid scenes) and mark is too nice to him

throw in erica if I can

- 1 at a conference in like. boulder. (include actual interaction though) (villain) 1 in dc (president AND mark) (eduardo is there to support chris) (villain) 2 more in nyc - 1 of them mark asks how he got his powers??backstory??lol (also eduardo punches mark bc i suck) & the other is another accidental monster like the worm

villains eventually start targeting mark specifically to try to bring spidey down

(1) mark gets kidnapped, eduardo hears and tracks him down w spidey senses, in california

(2) eduardo is passing thru l.a. coincidentally the same time mark is there for a conference, mark gets detained by a villain or some shit

(3) idk what this one is but this one is where eduardo saves mark except gets seriously injured from the villain who like. actually stabs/puts eduardo's life in danger and mark has to sort of take care of him...


#4 - mark gets attacked in his own home and eduardo decides to temporarily move to california just so mark's life isn't in danger

#5 - mark figures out that the villains are after him bc spiderman Loves Him (spidey kiss)...

#6 - eduardo rescues mark again (is pissed w himself for "letting it happen" even tho like... he cant really stop it When It Happens, only like. when it Happens) and afterward mark is all nonchalant about not knowing who eduardo is like "it doesnt matter" and eduardo like "jfc" and pulls off his mask and mark gapes and anyway the fic ends


villain ideas

- robotics dudes (like doc oc basically)



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